Pronouns

Pronouns are words that are used to refer to a person. Pronouns are important to many people because these words are often tied with one’s identity. Some pronouns are gendered, like she/her, and he/him. For some people, gendered pronouns come with expectations about how they should express themselves, and "she" or "he" feel limiting or doesn't represent who they are. Therefore gender neutral pronouns like they/them/their, ze/hir/hirs (pronounced "zee/here/heres"), or ey/em/eir (pronounced "ay/em/airs") are sometimes used for people who don't conform to a binary male/female categorization of gender. A gender neutral approach for formal terms like Ms or Mr is "Mx" (pronounced "mix").

A person’s pronouns can change and shift over time. They may also change based on the situation and context.

Why are pronouns important?

Just like calling someone by the right name, using someone’s pronouns is is an important way of signalling respect, courtesy and acceptance. When we aren’t addressed correctly, many of us will feel unseen. This is particularly true for someone who has worked hard to be their true self. Ultimately, asking someone what their pronouns are is really about asking someone what the respectful way to refer to them is (if you are not using their name.)

Misgendering someone (i.e. referring to someone using a form of address or pronoun that doesn't correspond with their gender identity) can feel like disrespect and can be both damaging and hurtful for someone who has worked hard to come out and be themselves. A person's identity is important and when people use the correct pronouns to identify someone, that person feels like they are being themselves - and being understood as that person.

People think carefully about the pronouns they want to use and why.

How can I incorporate pronoun 'etiquette' into my life?

Include your pronouns in your email signature at work.
Introduce yourself using your name and pronoun (e.g. Hi, I'm Alicia and my pronouns are 'she' and 'her').
If you are leading a group discussion, encourage group members to share their pronouns with their name if they feel comfortable to do so. This normalizes sharing of pronouns and doesn't single anyone out.
Avoid using the term 'preferred' pronoun. Labelling a pronoun as 'preferred' makes it sound like it's optional and unimportant. Pronouns are important and reinforce a person's identity.
Question if gendered language is even needed.
Integrate pronouns into forms.
Be mindful of gendered language when describing someone. Identify people by name or another non-gendered way, such as describing an article of clothing For example, say "the person in the yellow shirt" rather than "the woman over there."
Avoid terms like "ladies and gentlemen" and try "everyone" and "folks" instead.
Remember that people self-identify and express their gender identity in different ways, which depends on the individual. Because gender identity and expression is deeply personally, the way someone looks may or may not reflect their gender and/or correct pronoun. Do not assume that someone's pronouns are the same as their gender identity. For example, a person could present as androgynous and use the pronouns 'she" and "her".).

How can I avoid assigning someone the wrong pronoun?

Ask someone what their pronouns are! And if you can't or don't feel comfortable doing so, use their name or gender inclusive pronouns like 'they', 'them' or 'their(s)'.

The experience of being misgendered can be hurtful and upsetting.

However, you might make a mistake and use the wrong pronoun. If you do, you might feel ashamed, guilty or awkward. Don't get upset with the other person or make it a big deal. Instead, simply make a quick apology, correct yourself and continue with the conversation.

Where can I learn more?

BuzzFeed Presents (video): Why Pronouns Matter for Trans People

Gay Straight Alliance for Safe Schools: Why Pronouns Matter

Minus18 (video): What Are Pronouns?

SOY H.E.A.T. (video): Kids Explain Pronouns